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Self-Compassion
Ages 7 to 8Personal / Compassion
Treating yourself the way you would treat a friend.
Let’s Experience It
Tenzin tried to build a tall tower with blocks. It kept falling down. He felt frustrated and upset. “I’m so bad at this!” he thought. Then he remembered what his teacher said. He took a breath and tried new words. “This is hard, but I can keep trying.” He felt a little better. He started building again with a calmer mind.
What’s Happening?
Positive self-talk means saying kind things to yourself. Instead of “I can’t do this,” try “This is hard right now.” Instead of “I’m stupid,” try “I’m still learning.” The words we say to ourselves really matter. They can help us feel better or worse.
Celebrating effort means being proud of trying hard. You don’t have to win to feel good. You don’t have to be perfect to be proud. When you work hard, that’s worth celebrating! Effort is something you can always control. Results don’t always show how hard you tried.
Self-soothing means calming yourself when upset. You can take slow, deep breaths. You can hug a stuffed animal or blanket. You can find a quiet place to rest. You can think of something that makes you happy. These things help your body feel safe again.
Growth mindset means believing you can improve. Your brain can learn new things with practice. When something is hard, say “I can’t do it yet.” That little word “yet” makes a big difference! It means you’re on your way to learning. Mistakes help your brain grow stronger and smarter.
Why It Matters
Being kind to yourself helps you keep going. When you use positive self-talk, you don’t give up. When you celebrate your effort, you stay motivated. You learn that trying matters more than being perfect. This helps you take on new challenges with courage.
Self-soothing and growth mindset help when things get tough. Frustration is a normal feeling to have. But you don’t have to stay stuck in it. You can calm your body and try a new way. You can believe that practice will help you improve.
Try It Yourself
Think of something that’s hard for you right now. Write down one mean thought you might think about yourself. Now cross it out! Write a kind thought instead. Add the word “yet” somewhere if you can. Say your kind thought out loud three times.
Remember
Talk to yourself like a good friend would.
Celebrate your effort, not just your results.
When you feel frustrated, use self-soothing strategies.
Believe you can grow with practice and patience.
You deserve kindness, especially from yourself!
Check yourself
13 questions on this topic. Nothing is saved and nothing is
sent anywhere.
You got some answers wrong on your spelling test. What's a kind thing to say to yourself?
Talking to yourself kindly when things are hard is called self-compassion. Instead of being mean to yourself, you can say 'I'm still learning.' This helps you feel better AND keeps you trying. Everyone makes mistakes while learning!
You tried really hard on your drawing but it doesn't look like you imagined. What matters most?
Celebrating your effort - not just the result - is important! When you try hard, you're learning and growing, even if things don't turn out perfect. This is called valuing effort over outcome. Your hard work matters!
You feel frustrated because you can't ride a bike yet. What's a helpful thought?
Adding 'yet' to 'I can't' changes everything! 'I can't do it YET' means you're still learning and will improve. This is called growth mindset - believing you can get better with practice. Every expert was once a beginner!
You're feeling really frustrated with your homework. What can help you calm down?
When frustration gets too big, taking a break is smart! Deep breaths help calm your body. Then you can try again with a clearer mind or ask for help. This is self-soothing - taking care of yourself when things are hard.
You accidentally spilled paint on your art project. What's a kind thing to tell yourself?
Being kind to yourself when accidents happen is self-compassion. Instead of being mean to yourself, you can remember that everyone has accidents. You can solve the problem instead of feeling bad. Kindness to yourself helps you move forward!
Your friend makes mistakes when learning to read. You're patient with them. Should you be patient with yourself too?
You deserve the same kindness you give others! If you're patient when your friend makes mistakes, be patient with yourself too. Self-compassion means treating yourself like a good friend. You matter just as much!
You're learning to tie your shoes but keep getting the loops wrong. What's a helpful way to think about this?
Learning new things takes time and practice! Your fingers need to learn the movements, and that's okay. Being patient with yourself while learning shows self-compassion. Keep trying - you'll get it!
You feel sad because you miss your grandma who lives far away. What should you do with this feeling?
It's okay to feel sad when you miss someone! This shows how much you love them. Self-compassion means allowing yourself to have feelings without judging them as bad. You can feel sad and also find ways to connect, like drawing a picture for grandma.
In Tibetan tradition, people believe that everyone deserves kindness, including yourself. Why is being kind to yourself important?
Tibetan wisdom teaches that self-kindness helps you be kinder to others! When you treat yourself well, you feel better and have more energy to care for people around you. Self-compassion isn't selfish - it helps everyone!
You came in last place in the race but tried your hardest. What matters most?
Your effort matters more than the result! Trying your hardest and challenging yourself is something to be proud of. Not everyone can win every time, but everyone can give their best. Celebrate your effort!
You broke your favorite toy by accident and feel really upset. What would be a comforting thing to do?
When something sad happens, you can comfort yourself! Taking deep breaths, giving yourself a hug, or doing something that makes you feel better are ways to self-soothe. It's okay to feel sad and also take care of yourself.
Everyone else seems to understand the math problem but you're confused. What should you remember?
Everyone learns at their own pace and in their own way! Just because others seem to understand doesn't mean you're the only one confused. Asking for help is brave and smart. Your way of learning is valid!
You said something that hurt your friend's feelings and you feel guilty. After apologizing, what's next?
After you apologize, it's important to also forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and hurt others sometimes. Forgiving yourself doesn't mean it was okay - it means you learned from it and will try to do better. Then you can move forward!
Self-Compassion at other ages
The same topic, written for older and younger children. Worth a look when
you are judging how far to take it.