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Self-Regulation
Ages 7 to 8Personal / Engagement
Handling big feelings without being carried off by them.
Let’s Experience It
Dolma was really angry. Her little brother broke her favorite toy. She wanted to yell and push him away. Her face felt hot and her hands made fists. Then she remembered what she learned at school. She took three deep breaths. She told her mom what happened. She still felt angry, but she made a good choice about what to do with that feeling.
What’s Happening?
All feelings are okay and normal to have. It’s okay to feel angry or sad or scared. It’s okay to feel jealous or frustrated or worried. Feelings are not good or bad by themselves. They are just messages telling you something important. You never need to feel ashamed of your feelings.
Choosing helpful actions is what matters most. You can feel angry without hitting or yelling mean words. You can feel sad without hurting yourself or others. The feeling is okay, but you choose what you do with it. Some actions help, and some actions make things worse. You get to pick which path you take.
Movement is one great strategy for strong feelings. When you feel upset, your body has lots of energy. Running, jumping, or dancing can help release it. You can do jumping jacks or squeeze a stress ball. Moving your body helps your feelings move through you too.
Art is another helpful way to express your feelings. You can draw a picture of how you feel inside. You can use colors that match your emotions. Angry might be red. Sad might be blue. Creating something helps get feelings out of your head.
Talking to someone you trust really helps too. A parent, teacher, or friend can listen to you. Just saying how you feel can make it lighter. They might help you think of what to do next.
Breathing deeply calms your body and mind. When you take slow breaths, your heart slows down. Your muscles relax and your mind gets clearer. Try breathing in for four counts, then out for four counts.
Why It Matters
When you know all feelings are okay, you don’t feel bad about yourself. You understand that everyone has these same feelings sometimes. You don’t have to hide them or pretend they’re not there. You can accept them and then decide what to do.
Having strategies helps you handle tough moments better. When you know you can move, draw, talk, or breathe, you feel powerful. You’re not stuck when big feelings come along. You have tools to help yourself feel better. You can make choices you’ll feel proud of later.
Try It Yourself
Think of a time you had a really strong feeling. What feeling was it? What did you do about it? Now think of a strategy that might have helped. Was it movement, art, talking, or breathing? Practice that strategy right now, even if you feel calm.
Remember
Every feeling you have is okay and allowed.
What matters is choosing helpful actions with those feelings.
You have many strategies to help you feel better.
Try movement, art, talking, or deep breathing.
You can feel your feelings and still make good choices!
Check yourself
13 questions on this topic. Nothing is saved and nothing is
sent anywhere.
You feel really angry because someone cut in line. Is it okay to feel angry?
All feelings are okay, including anger! Feelings aren't good or bad - they just are. What matters is what you choose to do. You can feel angry AND choose to use your words calmly instead of hitting or yelling. Feelings are okay, actions matter!
You're feeling worried about a test tomorrow. What strategy might help?
When you're worried, there are strategies that help! Deep breathing calms your body, talking helps you feel less alone, and doing something relaxing gives your mind a break. These are self-regulation tools - ways to handle big feelings.
You're really excited at a friend's birthday party and feel like running and shouting. What should you think about?
Excitement is great! But it helps to notice where you are. Running and shouting might be fine outside but not inside near the cake. You can find other ways to show excitement like clapping or dancing. This is choosing helpful actions for the situation.
When you feel upset, which of these might help calm your body?
There are many ways to calm down! Moving your body, creating art, talking to someone you trust, or breathing slowly all help. Different strategies work for different people and different times. It's good to know several and find what works for you!
You're really excited about your birthday tomorrow and can't sit still in class. What could help you focus?
Even happy feelings like excitement can make it hard to focus! Deep breaths help calm your body, and reminding yourself 'I can be excited later' helps your brain. You're not getting rid of the feeling - you're choosing when to express it. That's self-regulation!
Your brother ate the last cookie that you were saving. You feel furious. What's a good first step?
When you're furious, the best first step is to STOP and BREATHE. This gives your brain time to calm down so you don't do something you'll regret. After you're calmer, you can talk about it or tell a grown-up. Pausing is powerful!
You feel nervous before your piano recital. Which strategy would NOT help you calm down?
Telling yourself 'I'm going to mess up' makes nervousness WORSE, not better! This is negative self-talk. The other choices - deep breathing, remembering successes, and muscle relaxation - all help calm your body and mind. Choose helpful thoughts!
Tibetan monks sometimes practice sitting still and calm even when it's cold or uncomfortable. Why?
Tibetan monks practice staying calm in difficult situations to train their self-regulation! If you can stay calm when it's cold or uncomfortable, you can stay calm in other tough situations too. This is like exercise for your mind!
You scraped your knee and it really hurts. What can you do while waiting for help?
When you're hurt, slow breathing helps your body feel calmer and can even help with pain! Telling yourself 'Help is coming' gives your mind something helpful to focus on. These strategies help you handle hard moments while you wait for help.
You want to watch TV but have to finish homework first. What is this feeling of wanting to do something now called?
An impulse is a sudden want to do something right now! Everyone has impulses. Self-regulation means noticing the impulse but choosing to finish homework first. You can still watch TV later - you're just managing when you do it.
Different calming strategies work for different people. Which of these is TRUE?
People are different, so what calms one person might not work for another! Some people like deep breathing, others like drawing or movement. Try different strategies and notice what helps YOU feel better. Build your own toolkit of things that work!
You're disappointed because your friend can't come over. You feel like crying. What's okay to do?
It's okay to feel disappointed and even cry! Letting yourself have feelings is healthy. After you've felt the sadness, you can find something else to do to feel better. Self-regulation isn't about hiding feelings - it's about expressing them in okay ways and then moving forward.
You feel angry at your sister and want to say something mean. What's the best choice?
Mean words can really hurt and make things worse! Walking away helps you calm down so you can think clearly. Then you can use kind words to explain your feelings, like 'I felt angry when you...' This way you express yourself without hurting others.
Self-Regulation at other ages
The same topic, written for older and younger children. Worth a look when
you are judging how far to take it.