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Self-Regulation
Ages 5 to 6Personal / Engagement
Handling big feelings without being carried off by them.
Let’s Experience It
Dechen wants the red crayon. Her friend has it. Dechen feels mad. Her face gets hot. Her hands make fists. She stops. She takes three deep breaths. She counts to five. Then she asks nicely, “Can I use it when you are done?” Her friend says yes.
What’s Happening?
Dechen is using self-regulation. This means managing big feelings. She felt mad but did not grab. She calmed down first. Then she used her words. This is a very important skill.
We all have big feelings sometimes. We feel mad or sad or scared. These feelings are okay. But we need calming strategies. Deep breaths help a lot. Counting helps too. Finding a quiet space can help. These tools help our body calm down.
It is important to notice when we are upset. We feel it in our body first. A hot face. Tight fists. A fast heart. When we notice these signs, we can calm down before we act. This stops us from doing things we regret.
Waiting and taking turns is hard. We want things now. But waiting is part of life. We take turns on the slide. We wait for our snack. Waiting gets easier with practice.
Sometimes our feelings are too big. We need help. It is smart to ask for help when overwhelmed. We can tell a teacher. We can tell a parent. Grown-ups can help us calm down.
Why It Matters
Self-regulation helps us make good choices. We do not hurt others. We do not break things. We use words instead. This helps us keep friends. It keeps us out of trouble.
When we can calm down, we feel better faster. We can solve problems better. We feel in control.
Try It Yourself
Calm Down Steps:
Notice when your body feels upset.
Stop what you are doing.
Take five deep breaths.
Count slowly to ten.
Now try again with your words.
Remember
Big feelings are okay. But stop before you act.
Use calming tools like breaths and counting.
Wait your turn. Ask for help when you need it.
Check yourself
14 questions on this topic. Nothing is saved and nothing is
sent anywhere.
These were written for the next age band up — the curriculum has no set
of its own for this age.
You feel so mad you want to yell. What's a helpful thing to do first?
Taking deep breaths when you're mad helps calm your body and brain before you react. This is called self-regulation - choosing how to respond instead of reacting automatically. When you're calmer, you can make better choices about what to do.
You're waiting in line for the slide and it's taking a long time. You really want your turn! What helps?
Waiting is hard! Taking deep breaths and reminding yourself 'everyone gets a turn' helps you stay calm. This is patience - being able to wait without getting too upset. The more you practice, the easier it gets!
You're starting to feel frustrated building a puzzle. What can help before you get too upset?
Noticing when you're getting frustrated BEFORE you get too upset is a superpower! This is early awareness. When you notice early, you can take a break, ask for help, or try a different approach. This is smart self-regulation!
In Tibet, monks practice taking calm breaths every day. Why might this help them?
In Tibet, monks practice calm breathing as a way to train their minds to stay peaceful. When we practice calming strategies every day (not just when upset), they work better when we really need them! You can practice calm breathing too - it helps everyone.
You're feeling frustrated with your homework. You notice your body getting tense. You take 3 deep breaths. Then you ask your teacher for help. What skills did you use?
Wow! You used three important skills: noticing your frustration (self-awareness), calming yourself with breaths (self-regulation), and asking for help (relationship skills). Using multiple skills together makes you really good at handling challenges. You should feel proud!
You really want a cookie but dinner is almost ready. What can you do?
Waiting when you want something is called self-control. It's hard! But reminding yourself that you'll get the cookie after dinner helps. This is self-regulation - managing what you want to do for a good reason!
Your sister took your toy without asking. You feel angry. What's a good first step?
When angry, our first instinct might be to yell or grab. But stopping to breathe gives your brain time to calm down and think. Then you can use words to tell your sister how you feel. Pause, breathe, then respond!
You're so excited about your birthday that you can't sit still. What can help?
Even happy excitement needs managing sometimes! Squeezing and releasing your hands helps let out energy in a calm way. This is self-regulation for all emotions - not just upset ones. You can feel excited and still be calm!
You're feeling worried about a thunderstorm. What might help you feel calmer?
When worried, slow breaths calm your body and telling someone helps you not feel alone. Grown-ups can explain that thunderstorms are normal and you're safe inside. Using calming strategies and talking helps us manage worry!
What is a 'calm down corner' or 'peace corner' for?
A calm down corner is a helpful spot! It's not punishment - it's a tool. When feelings get big, you can go there to take breaths, squeeze a stress ball, or just sit quietly until you feel better. It's self-care!
In Tibet, children often learn to count breaths when they feel upset. Why does this help?
In Tibet and everywhere, counting breaths is a calming tool! When you count, your mind focuses on numbers instead of what upset you. Your breath slows down, which calms your body. You can try this too - it works for everyone!
You lost a game and feel like crying. What's okay to do?
Feeling sad when you lose is normal! It's okay to cry - feelings need to come out. Self-regulation isn't about hiding feelings, it's about expressing them in ways that don't hurt you or others. Then you can move on!
You feel like hitting someone because they said something mean. What should you do instead?
Feeling like hitting is understandable when someone is mean. But hitting hurts people and gets you in trouble. Walking away and telling a grown-up uses words instead of hands. This is self-regulation - choosing helpful actions even when upset.
You notice you're getting frustrated with your math. What can you do BEFORE you get really upset?
Noticing frustration BEFORE it gets big is a superpower! When you feel it starting, take a break or ask for help. This is early self-regulation - catching the feeling when it's small and easier to manage. Smart!
Self-Regulation at other ages
The same topic, written for older and younger children. Worth a look when
you are judging how far to take it.